Who am I?

How am I going to tell you…..

How am I going to tell you that I am abandoning you. I am leaving our senior our senior year and I am leaving you with people who you hate. I know me and you are the popular ones but i love it how we dont see each other that way. You are the captain of the softball team/ basketball team/ volleyball team and I’m the guy who everyone likes. Yet we still manage to end up with a small group of friends. I would not all it a clique becasue we talk to everyone. I love it how you hate to label people and how you tell me not to hate them and say strongly dislike them. Yet you know I hate everyone for what they did to us. the way they gossip about us the way they say your a good little religiuos girl even though we go to a private christian school you still end up being labeled that. How am i going to tell you that I might like guys. How am i going to tell you that i have wanted to date guys. How am i going to tell you that I hate our school even though me and you are the popular ones. When i told you i hate our school you laugh and say this is what people usually want to be the popular ones in school but i dont care. I dont care if everyone wants to be my friend or come hang with me I just want it to be our little group of four friends. Its not like we exclude people becasue the way they look but we exclude them becasue the way they have acted. I know that you want to give everyone a second chance but not everyone deserves one. How am i going to tell you that I dont know what i am feeling. that i watch gay porn and like it and find guys attractive. and I still like you. How can I do that to you. i think i am going to hurt you too much. I dont think im brave enough to do it. How am I going to tell you that I will be leaving you and that you wont have anyone else becasue this year it was J and N alone and me and you . How am i going to tell you that i need to leave. My sister is going into high school and i want her not to have to sacrafice her future so that i can have my fun. I cant do that to her or to my brother. How am i going to tell you that I am leaving and never going to come back to that school i have been in there since pre school. I dont know how I am going to do it. and i am sorry i am truly sorry for leaving you. How am i going to tell you that i think i like guys but i still like you. with your strong religiuos values how are you going to take it. We have been friends so long and I have hidden so much from you. how am i going to tell you that I am not the guy you like and the guy who is your best friend. How am i going to tell you that i am an imposter and a liar?