January 2010
1 post
The Day I Became Human
On January 3rd of 2010 I became human, neither in the sense that I emerged from my mothers womb nor in the sense that I went through some sort of metamorphosis but in the sense that on January 3rd I began to feel. Never had I ever experienced an emotion that was unmistakably identifiable, that I had no question of what I was feeling. It was those few minutes, not numbering more than four minutes,...
November 2009
2 posts
I know it has been awhile since my last post...
I thought that I wouldn’t need to post about all of my life’s problems because even with all the shity things that is going on in my life I found, or so I thought, that I absolutely am falling head over heels for. Even though we don’t live close, in two separate states, I would of flown over to Utah in a heartbeat and would of paid for his trips to LA but things never turn out as...
October 2009
2 posts
Today someone asked me if I was gay, he was...
September 2009
7 posts
Is it bad that I only want to date girls now...
So I think I like a girl, my best friend to be specific. I think I will hold off on guys since he hurted me so much. I have never felt that kind of pain from the end of a relationship so I might just go with girls from now on since it won’t hurt as much. =[ and i lost the game.
Why You?
Why you, I think to myself, because it’s so quiet in the room with only my thoughts and intermittent sound of my phone vibrating with your text messages. Why you? You may ask. I stare at the ceiling, staring as if it were the heavens. Do you like me? Do I like you? I smile, and I can see your face, even though we have never met in person, just the occasional MMS. Of course I like you. I turn to...
My Boyfriend
Just woke up and realized that I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take the ambiguity; the mystery of it all; the not knowing; the uncertainty; the lack of hope; the lack of a definitive answer. I think I might break up with you when you get back from your partying. Do I mean nothing to you? Today I came home from a stupid fucking SAT prep school because I couldn’t take it anymore....
FML My Boyfriend ='[
I don’t think that he wants to be with me. I thought I liked someone else and we both told each other yesterday that we might have feelings for other people but I still thought we had strong enough feelings for each other. I was wrong. I asked you if you wanted to be in a relationship with me and I told you to be honest. I wish i hadn’t. If i wasn’t in class I would have started...
I am horrible...
I am horrible because I have an amazing boyfriend and I don’t know how long we have been together but only for 2 weeks i think. I suck at this I am a horrible person because I think I’m flirting with another guy right now that followed me. I think I need to think about this clearly, because I have a boyfriend and I think I like a girl, my best friend, and maybe I like my other best...
My Boyfriend
He goes asleep at 10 and wakes up like at 6. =[ I sleep at 1 and dont wake up till 7. its wouldnt be as bad but we have school from 8-3 and he doenst txt in school. i’m really sad during school cuz i dont get to talk to him. i asked him why and he says he has to pay attention. i cant call him after cuz well he doenst like to talk with his fam around so i have to choose the moment wisely. He...
August 2009
8 posts
Boyfriend....
Sorry I didn;’t post anything today. In short it was my frist day at school and it sucked, but today I got myself a boyfriend. I am so unimaginably happy right now. I don’t know what I’m feeling, but its better than happiness. Ahhhh its late and i’m talking to him so I will tell you guys about it tomorow.
Please pick for me
Today is the day that I actually admitted to myself that I could see myself in a relationship with a boy. today is the day where i thought about it in real terms of maybe even marrying a boy.today is the day where i went to school and saw Joz look at me and say nothing. she is my best friend and today we saw each other and kept looking. i think i like you and i think you like me but i think i...
I saw you today
Today I went to school to pick up books. When the reigstrar found out that i was coming back for sure she stood up and hugged me. Everyone came and was like we were so worried that you weren’t coming back and we prayed so hard that you would. yet, i saw you standing in front of the gym. you were just standing there looking at me and i at you. after everyone congratulated me I just looked at...
Sign from God
I wonder if this is a sign from God. I no longer have to worry about abandoing you, no longer worry about forgetting you, but now i have to worry about seeinng you. I have to worry about hurting you, what if you like me and I don’t like you? What am I feeling? do i like you? do I like girls? I found a really cool guy online and we talk alot now but how am I going to tell you? Even though we...
How am I going to tell you.....
How am I going to tell you that I am abandoning you. I am leaving our senior our senior year and I am leaving you with people who you hate. I know me and you are the popular ones but i love it how we dont see each other that way. You are the captain of the softball team/ basketball team/ volleyball team and I’m the guy who everyone likes. Yet we still manage to end up with a small group of...
Its so hard.....
Why is it so hard for me to tell someone, anyone, everything about myself. I cant even tell my best friend, Jocelyn, why cant I even tell myself the complete truth. Am I too afraid of the truth? Am I afraid that you will look at me differently? Why cant I tell anyone the truth? why do I have to resort to this tumblr to be able to let out the entire truth? Why cant I fucking tell you in person? Is...
Jocelyn....
I don’t know what I think about you. Your beautiful and wonderful and awesome but I dont know. This year you were the only person I hung out with, not becasue you were the only one or that I hate everyone, but becasue I wanted you. I don’t know what I felt or what I continue to feel, but I know that when you invited me to Disneyland for your birthday, like you do every year sine we met...
Note to Myself
Hi myself. You may wonder on later why you are writing this tumblr and surely you will forget, as memory fades with age. I will tell you now, so that you may remember later on, that you are writing this tumblr becasue you need to. It is a necessity, not becasue the people around you do not love you, but because you do not know who you are, and in turn you think that those around you do not know...